Core Beliefs: The Hidden Thought Patterns Driving Your Anxiety

Have you ever felt intense anxiety in situations that seem irrational?

Maybe it’s asking a waiter to change your order.

Maybe it’s waiting for a reply from someone you care about.

Or maybe, like me, your anxiety centers around relationships.

If you’ve ever wondered why these moments hit so hard, the answers lie in your core beliefs — the subconscious ideas you hold about yourself, others, and the world.

We all fear things like drowning or being attacked. But anxiety often shows up in situations that aren't life or death. It shows up when a message is left unread. When you sense a shift in someone’s tone. When your partner comments on someone else’s appearance.

And while those fears may seem irrational to others — they’re very real when they clash with something deep inside you.

Where My Anxiety Came From

Over the years, I’ve spoken to so many people about anxiety, and it’s clear:

We all feel it, but the focus of our anxiety is unique.

Some people obsess over their health.

Others fear rejection, embarrassment, or losing control.

For me, it always centered on romantic relationships.

Looking back, it makes complete sense. I grew up in a home with a narcissistic parent. Love, in that environment, looked like:

• Love bombing followed by withdrawal

• Being valued only when I pleased others

• Gaslighting and emotional confusion

This formed a belief system that felt true to me:

• Love must feel intense

• Love is conditional

• I have to earn it by being perfect

So when I got into healthy relationships as an adult — calm, stable ones — it didn’t feel “right.” I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. If my partner didn’t respond quickly, my chest tightened. If they complimented someone else, I panicked.

Because somewhere inside me, I believed:

“If they find someone else attractive, they don’t love me.”

The Shift That Changed Everything

It wasn’t the situations that were causing my anxiety.

It was the beliefs they were bumping up against.

One of the biggest realizations I had was this: Our thoughts are shaped by our beliefs, and beliefs can be changed.

I started gently challenging the thoughts I’d always believed were facts.

I researched human attraction and attachment.

I journaled. I tracked patterns. I interrupted spirals.

And I discovered something powerful: the anxiety began to ease.

It didn’t vanish overnight — but the more I reprogrammed the beliefs underneath my reactions, the less power they held over me.

Now when intrusive thoughts show up, I know how to meet them — not with fear, but with curiosity.

You might be experiencing this too. Maybe your core belief is:

• “When people are quiet, it means they're mad at me”

• “I'm only valuable when I'm making a lot of money”

• “If I do the wrong thing, they will abandon me.”

These are not facts. They’re stories written long ago deep in our subconscious minds.

And you get to rewrite them.

Love always, Ash x