2 Things You're Doing That Are Making Your Anxiety Worse

You get an email from your boss.

Subject: "Quick chat tomorrow?"

And just like that, your heart jumps into your throat.

You could open the email now and get it over with… but instead, you close your laptop.

Maybe if you don’t read it, it won’t be bad. Maybe if you act like it doesn’t exist, the panic will ease up.

(It doesn’t.)

Instead, you spend the next 12 hours spiralling — imagining every worst-case scenario.

You go over your last shift, your last project, that offhand comment you made in the meeting.

You ask a friend:

“Do you think I’m in trouble? Be honest.”

Then ask another. And another. But nothing sticks. No amount of reassurance ever feels like enough.

You end up getting to the meeting and your boss just wants to let you know how well you did on your last project and highlight the positive outcomes of your hard work.

Cue: shame, embarrassment, guilt — and thoughts like:

• "Omg I asked 3 people if I was in trouble. They probably think I’m so weird."

• "I can’t believe I spent the last 12 hours so stressed out for no reason."

• "What is wrong with me? Why do I make a big deal out of everything?"

If you can relate to this scenario, I want you to know you’re not alone, and you are not broken. If this sounds familiar, chances are you’ve been here more than once and you’re pretty fed up with reacting this way.

So, what’s actually making your anxiety worse?

Two things:

Avoidance & Reassurance.

And again, for the people in the back:

AVOIDANCE AND REASSURANCE.

I can’t stress enough how much these two habits are keeping you stuck.

Let me explain why.

Your brain is telling you these behaviors will keep you safe:

• "If I avoid this, the anxiety can’t get me."

• "If my work friend promises everything is fine, then it must be."

But here’s what’s actually happening:

Avoidance reinforces fear.

Every time you avoid what you're anxious about, you send your brain the message: “This is dangerous.”

Using the email example — by not opening it, you’re signaling to your brain that emails like this are SCARY AF.

So next time a similar one pops up? Your brain is already panicking.

Avoiding the email again only cements the idea in your subconscious that avoiding = safety.

Reassurance feeds doubt.

Seeking reassurance ("Do you think I'm in trouble?") might give you a temporary hit of relief, but long-term it tells your brain two things:

• You can't trust yourself.

• There’s something real to be afraid of.

But subconscious brain — we’re talking about an email here, not an axe murderer.

Somewhere along the way, you developed a deeper belief about what situations like this mean.

This analogy doesn’t just apply to emails. It applies to everything from dentist appointments to social events to health anxiety.

Every time you avoid the thing or seek reassurance (yes this includes chat GPT) — your anxiety learns to grow louder.

And you? You stay stuck.

Now that you're aware of these patterns, you might be sitting there thinking:

"Okay... but how do I actually stop avoiding and stop asking my besties if they secretly hate me?"

The answer? You’ve got to get to the root of what’s driving your anxiety — the deeper core beliefs behind it all.

I’ve written a full blog post on core beliefs and what they are! you can read it here

Love always, Ash x